A girl I know said something a couple weeks ago that I’ve been thinking about every single day lately:
“The leaves are dying but the views from afar are full of beauty! Is this how we are supposed to look at death? Is this how God sees us when our time comes?”
Wow. Such a wonderful thought.
I was driving to church yesterday, and I took the pretty way that goes through the woods. The view is spectacular. The foliage is all around you with little streams of sunlight cutting through and shining down in rays. It feels like a dream. And ever since I read those words on Facebook about 2 weeks ago, I think of my Gram on those drives. Or anytime I see the beautiful fall colors in the changing leaves of the trees. Then, when I was at church – I could not hold back tears. When Gram died, I remember thinking how there was such beauty in the process. But the beauty I was seeing was in the gathering of family. In the savoring of the final moments with our beloved matriarch here on earth. But I didn’t think that the dying person them self could be viewed as beautiful until I read those words. But then I think of how beautiful a big pregnant woman is just before she gives birth to a sweet infant. That’s the beginning of life here on earth as opposed to death being the end of an earthly life – but it’s so similar to death in that it’s a transition. A transition into a new life in a new body in heaven. We sang a song called One and Only and during this verse, the tears came:
Jesus, One and Only
Great and Holy
We are yours
How our hearts race
At your glory
We are yours
And yours alone
We will watch the bridegroom come
And Heaven breaking like the dawn
All dressed in white our shame is gone
We’re free to dance before your throne
I just think of Gram dancing before His throne and I cry. I cry tears of sadness and grief because I wish I had more time with her here. But I also cry tears of happiness that she is with Jesus and I know that one day I will be dancing with her.
Grief is hard. Most of the time I’m fine. I forget she’s gone. Or, I just don’t have any emotions when I think her being gone. But there are just some moments that I feel overwhelmed with it. I’ll see a picture of her and I let out a gasp when I feel the weight of the realization that she died and her body is buried in the ground. And my heart just aches. I had no idea I would grieve this hard.
I know I will see her again. I have no doubts about that. And until then, I plan to enjoy my time here on earth with those I love and to soak in all the beauty that this earthly life has to offer.